this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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