I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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