oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
