I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
