shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Two words: blizzard sex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
