I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
