and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
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and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
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It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
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