May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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