on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
