I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
