She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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