I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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