Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
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