she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
