So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
