never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize