She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
