Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
