dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
