As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
