I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
