Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
And then he peed in my hair
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