morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
