well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
