Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
