i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
