If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
