he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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