I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
