Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
