on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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