I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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