did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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