Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
