at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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