I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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