It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
