Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
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