I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
