I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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