My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
