If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
