If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
