# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
