there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
