and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
