FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
