your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
