They should really pass out barf bags in church
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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