Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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