You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
