I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
