Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Randomize
