Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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