Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
