He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
