Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
