I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
