video games are the ultimate cock blocker
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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