i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
