Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Randomize
