Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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