just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
