is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Randomize
